Bad Mom Guide to Surviving the Third Trimester

Okay, okay we have reached the third trimester of pregnancy. I know I deserve a congratulations or a medal or something but I’m just too tired deal with it. As of today in less than 4 weeks I will have my third child. (God help me.) So here goes on how I am surviving my third trimester.

img_8249I’ve become fat sleeping beauty. I sleep so much I have absolutely no energy. When I do sleep I am so uncomfortable even with my most comfortable pajamas and amazing sleeping pillow that my husband bought me for Christmas. I still can’t sleep for long. I am so heavy my poor husband says I snore and fart all night. How he still finds me attractive after all this is beyond me… All I can say he is a saint.

Stretch and be stretched. As your body is stretching in ways you can’t imagine and in all ways. I’m telling I am not one of those cute little pregnant women that only show in their tummy. I get fat everywhere. My hands, my arms, my legs, my feet all swell. During this time I do feel relief even for a bit by stretching out. It sucks to get the energy to do it but it does make me feel so much better.

Slacking vs nesting. Okay lets face it I slacked a lot during my third trimester. I didn’t take down my damn Christmas tree until 2 days ago. (Usually it  and all my decor is down January 7th and I have got my Valentines Day decor up, this is so not the case this year.) I have a to do list a mile long. I look at all the things that need done before I become a human birthing feeding apparatus and I say “eh maybe tomorrow.” The truth is its okay to take a break. I mean come on I am growing a human inside of me. Isn’t making a heart,  lungs and a brain inside me enough?! I must also tell you while being the prego queen of slacking I also am the nesting queen from hell. I had to get my nursery done a month ago for some weird reason. Yesterday, I decided to reorganize the garage cause that was so important. It’s weird I feel so either absolutely no energy sloth that belongs working at the DMV in Zootopia or the opposite I turn into a psycho bitch and have to get it done right then or my world is over.. boy I love hormones.

img_8247BE PREPARED!!!! Okay cue Scar from Lion King. But seriously its your third trimester anything can happen!!! You have to be prepared. Mid way through my trimester I began getting everything ready for our smallest family member. First, I packed my hospital bag. Second, I built a place for her to sleep. Third I got her car seat and stroller. Then I organized her things so we can easily get to them. And so on I am not telling you how to prepare just you have to. Now here I am a month out and just waiting for her to come. I even am having my shower this weekend and I am already prepared for her first several months on this earth anything else I get will just be back up.

Get in my belly! or GET OUT OF MY BELLY! Now lets bring in Fat Bastard from Austin Powers. I seriously feel like him 24/7. I am fat.. I know pregnant. I am waddling around farting and wanting to eat everything. And here I am not able to cause my big ole baby is taking up all the damn room! I day dream about her coming early and me getting my body back even though I know I will be begging my husband to get me pregnant again 6 months from now LOL… oh boy I love hormones.

What personality will you get? Okay here is a fun one to talk about… Sorry moms but we gotta. Let’s talk mood swings. I’m happy one minute, sad the next and completely psycho the next. We all know we are it but we can’t help it. I just feel bad for my family for putting up with me during it. So to survive it… I simply apologize when I can. I know I am human and making a human so I just ask for forgiveness a lot. Thankfully those around me truly understand me and love me through it. As I said earlier my husband is a saint.

img_8245Do I have feet? As if it isn’t bad enough my shoes don’t fit. Now I can’t even see my feet. It’s okay I swear they are still there want to know how I know? I can feel them bloating. Ugh! True and sad. Take care of your feet ladies. Since slip on shoes that expose most of my feet are the only thing that fits I scrub my feet in the shower and get a pedicure from time to time just to feel like a normal person.

Walking even though fat ankles is a thing, a very stupid thing. I hate how I walk or shall I say waddle. Everyday I try to walk some even with my fat feet and ankles. It seriously hurts some days but it must be done. Staying active everyday is important to a healthy pregnancy and delivery. Sorry to say even more sorry to do. We all must do things we hate like work, eat vegetables and yes walk even with fat bloating pregnancy ankles.

Can you freakin’ smell that?! My bloodhound nose is back in my third trimester and it freaking sucks! I can seriously pick up on smells and it doesn’t make me sick just sort of disgusted. Some women get morning sickness in their third month so I guess I am lucky I just really wish I could smell like a normal person. img_8246

It’s all about the comfort! The third trimester is by far the last mile and the last mile is the hardest. My husband and I claimed the third trimester all about making it comfortable and no judgement. So if I want to sleep more, eat out and not make dinner, take an extra day off, wear pjs all day or whatever it takes to be comfortable even for a little bit I can. As women there is too much preasure to be perfect. You are growing a person inside of you.Before you know it you will have a small human screaming at you, constantly in need of your attention and you will have to be on your A game. You deserve to be comfortable, treat yourself kindly and cut yourself some slack.


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