Bad Moms Guide to Surviving the 4th Trimester

So now that my youngest is over 3 months old and I have survived newborn mommy-hood….here’s to survival! I’ve earned a drink!

Ready to pop (prego moms usually prepare for childbirth but rarely prepare for life after baby comes. This was me with my first daughter. I read everything I was prepared for all the hellish changes my body had in store but then I gave birth and I was seriously freaking not prepared for the very raw, beautiful, insane 4th trimester known as the newborn stage or the first 3 months of mother- freakin’-hood. you are going to be so emotionally, physically and extremely drained let alone all the crazy changes coming. Don’t worry momma you got this!

Be prepared for everyone’s opinion- Everyone and their mother has a fucking opinion on your baby. Whether it’s your first baby your second baby or are you freaking 1000th baby. Everybody is convinced you have no clue what you are doing. You do you. Take the advice you want and don’t listen to the rest.

Postpartum blues- This is a living hell with each kid I was not prepared for. With my first daughter I was so young and had no idea what to do. I sat in the in the shower and cry. I did that so no one knew I was sad. With my second daughter I had it a lot less and with my third daughter I had it a lot more less. Still it lingered. With my last two pregnancies I saw a therapist to help me through.

Crazy hormones will still be here- Awe man! Watch the fuck out for these. Your body is used to having an extra person in you and now its paying you back for getting rid of it. I was very emotional but at least I can say it was a bit better than when I was pregnant…but just a bit.

Babies smell so good! probably to keep them alive- I’m convinced God made babies smell good so we don’t kill them when we are tired in the middle of the night while they are screaming at us in the middle of the night. Or when they spit up on us in the middle of the day when we have just changed our clothes.

Sleep when/where you can- It is said sleep when your baby sleeps. This is funny especially if you have other kids and those other kids are home schooled because we are in quarantine. Seriously though if you can do it momma..DO IT!

Keep a burp cloth with you- Have you ever seen Men In Black ? You know the scene I’m talking about where Will Smith delivers the alien baby and then gets coated in the aliens vomit? Well expect this to happen. I keep spit rags in every room my baby is in for longer than a minute.

Prepare to get pooped and peed on- this is not a joke. It will happen, it will be gross, there is nothing you can do about it.. you must except it and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

Poop will be everywhere- see above.

Wrap up your baby- a baby is used to being in tight space. You may notice your baby jerk themselves awake. I swaddle my baby until I no longer see them do that. This may seem like you are putting baby in a straight jacket… if it does its working and your crazy if you don’t do it.

Things can wait- my best advice is things can wait! Your baby will be walking in less than a year. Take this time to cuddle them, love them and let them sleep on you. Your dishes, chores and projects can wait. This is such an important bonding time. Take time momma you and your baby deserve it. Take my advice as a mom of three. Babies grow quickly, enjoy them!

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